Whats in a name? A trigun comedy.
by Alceriniel
Summary: This is a brain fart. Hope you laugh your ass off. Please read and review!


What's in a Name? A Trigun Comedy  
By: LilFireDevil  
  
Authors note: I don't know the Trigun plaints real name but I have heard it called Gunsmoke. So that's what I'll call it okies? Also everyone is EXTREMELY out of char. So I think that makes it fun to read. Just a fore warning.   
  
"MEEEEERRRRYYYYYLLLL" Vash screams as he runs into the bar room of the old hotel where Meryl and Milly where sitting. Both stand up at the urgency in his voice, drawing their guns in the process.  
Vash (who was running down the stairs) trips and falls down all 50 of them before he lands on his face at the bottom. The girls deciding that this was just another one of Vash's many antic's put there guns back into there holsters (much to the relief of the customers in the bar who all began to crawl out from under tables, barstools, and floorboards and much to The bar owners amazement five men dropped from the lamps hanging from the ceiling.)   
"What is it Vash?" Milly asks sipping on her wine laced with whisky and vodka. Meryl smiles wickedly. At this rate she would be drunk enough to go out on that date with Legato. 'I will win that $$50' she thought with a smile.  
Once Vash recovered from his oh so graceful decent from the staircase. He walked up to the table eyes gleaming with tears that would -if let loose- would create enough water to fulfill all of Gunsmoke's water needs for the next 100 years. His mouth wobbled and his knees began to cave in. His shoulders shook and finally he spoke a long and mournful cry.  
"I DON'T KNOW MY LAST NAME!!!!!" he screamed. Milly (who was drowning another glass of the highly alcoholic drink looked over at him stupidly.)   
"Isn't it 'The Stampede'? I mean that's what everyone calls you isn't it?"  
"NO IT ISN'T!" Vash yelled At Milly who fell out of her chair. "'The Stampede' is not my last name it is an evil stereotype I was dubbed with by the biased people around hear and a bad joke that the creators came up with! I mean they trust it upon me without even asking 'Oh dear Vashie-pooh may we give you a nickname that will haunt you through the whole series? And cause you pain and suffering because it makes it look like you did all those crimes you didn't do?' NOOOOOOO of course not they just gave me a catchy nick name that is WAY overrated and used so much that I forgot my own last name! I mean think about it what kind of last name is 'The stampede'? ITS TWO WORDS!!! A real last name is 1 word! Not TWO!" *continues to bitch in the background and creating a general ruckus. The people nervously slip back under the floor boards.*  
"How can you just forget your last name?" Meryl asked aloud, handing Milly (who was still on the floor) her glass. Burps and other rude noised floated up from beneath the table. "I know it would be hard for me to forget mine. That is unless when I get the forget disease or something because one time I fell out of this tree and then I kicked the tree and the tree fell down on me and the fire department came to get the tree off me and they dropped it on me a couple of times by accident and the doctors told me that I had the forget disease! So the doctor pulled out this REALLY big hammer and hit me with it and I knew who I was again!" Meryl said with a smile.  
"That's all very fascinating but if you haven't noticed for once were talking about me not you so what's your point woman!" Vash demanded bitchily.  
Meryl smiled evilly  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
"Uh Milly Meryl are you sure this is gonna work?" Vash asked in a very scared voice.  
"Don ya wurry Vushiekuns Knivey-wivey tolds me this vas 100% safe!" Milly yelled up at him swaying from foot to foot with a beer glass in each of her hands. Meryl stood about 3 feet away from Milly (who continued to provide Vash with emotional support) holding the end of a long black cable. Knives stood at a control post with one hand resting on a lever.   
"Don't worry brother!" Knives said smiling "I wont feel a thing! Thank god"   
  
Vash was swinging from a 60 ft. high rope which was attached to a series of pulleys, and mechanisms which somehow attached to the lever that Knives's hand was resting on. Another rope hung from where his hands and legs where bound together -which Meryl held the end of smiling- this was to do two things 1.) Make sure that he didn't move around too much and land funny. And 2.) Keep him from ending up dead. I guess you could say Meryl held his life in her hands.   
Suddenly Vash felt pretty bad about turning her down for that date.  
  
Knives stood smiling (yes smiling this is fictional remember deal with it!) And humming 'god loves the little children' to himself as he waited to pull the lever that would make Vash plummet down and hit his head squarely on a blunt rock. Which would (hopefully) make him remember his last name. Then suddenly Knives wondered:  
'What is our last name? Do we have one? Is it a good one? I mean I can't go around with a last name like Strife could I? Speaking of Strife what's up with that? I mean are Meryl and Cloud from final fantasy 7 related? What if my last name is something like Spork or Fork? I mean Knives is bad enough! What where my parents thinking when they named me? Isn't that just like asking for me to get beat up?'   
In his moment of pondering Knives hit the lever with his elbow and thus releasing the hold on Vash. Meryl who was handing Milly another glass had dropped the rope and I guess it was safe to say Vash was 'Bungee jumping without a bungee' a very dangerous past time.   
  
"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH *gasp* HHHHHHHHHHHH!"   
CRACK Vash landed on his head.  
  
Meryl ran up to Vash who had landed on his head. Millie was being dragged away by Legato who had tied a dog chain around her neck. Knives then paid Meryl her $$50 and ran off to pick flowers.   
  
"Vash are you okay?" She asked. Vash just stood up and began to talk.  
  
"Ladies and gentleman hobos and tramps mosquitoes and bow-legged ants. I've come to stand behind you to tell you something I know nothing about.  
This Thursday, which is on Good Friday, there will be a ladies meeting for men only. Admission is free you'll pay at the door the seats are so comfortable you'll sit on the floor.   
Four score and some years ago to dead men decided to fight each other. With forty blind men to see fair play and 50 mutes to shout Hooray! The two dead men stood back to back drew their swords and shot each other. The def men of the village heard the noise and came and arrested the two dead boys.   
If you don't believe this lie is true ask the blind man he saw it to-" Vash passes out.  
  
Meryl decides its time to take desparate measures.   
  
"OH MY GOD VASH ITS THIS MONTHS PLAYBOY CENTERFOLD MODEL RIGHT ACROSS THE STREET!" Vash shot up.  
  
"WHERE WHERE?!?!?!" Tears across the town into the desert.   
  
*****  
*fifty years later*  
  
"Dude I think she tricked me…" Vash begins running back to the village.  
*****  
  
"886562255 bottles of beer on the wall 886562255 bottles of beer. Take one down and pass it around." Hands Millie another bottle "886562254 bottles of beer on the wall." Vash comes tearing down the road.  
  
"Meryl I know my last name! It took me 24352622243526243 years but I figured it out! Its Mmmbobbuckbenladenilovesamcheetoesaretastythegovermentisevilthisnameisrealyasubleminalmessagewhowouldhaveguessed?gointhenavy(notrealy)bonnysbeenabadgurl!" Meryl stairs at him for a moment.  
  
"Gee vash where did you learn that?"  
  
"Knives told me to check my underwear! He says his last name is hanes his way! And Legatos is fruit of the loom!"   
  
"Vash you're an idiot. Now go to my room."  
  
Authers note: I wrote this when I was really really bored! Please forgive! Read and Review plz!!!! 


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